Asshats of the Week

"Out of the Frying Pan" Edition

You did your thing, now serve your time.

Troy Gentry is facing jail time for shooting a caged, tamed bear by the name of Cubby. Yes, a tamed, caged bear. Swift one there, Troy. Your actions earn you an all expenses paid trip to Alaska for a bear hunt. There are a few rules for this, you know: no weapons, no gear, no chance in Hell. We'll see how much of a "real" man you are when Cubby's extended family has a fighting chance. Have fun at the Bear Family Reunion.

Don't quit your day job... oh wait, you did.

Good one, Andrew. Instead of helping Wal-Mart, you've given them another dose of public humiliation. You know, you really shouldn't have quit your day job. Wal-Mart could still use your "help". (Maybe a few more bonebrained comments would finally convince the public at large that it is a very bad thing to shop at the Grinning Monster.) Your comments have earned you a mint-scented enema, so your ass will be minty fresh the next time you wanna speak out of it.

I see drunk people... they don't know they're drunk.

I can't find the words to describe this. Under 21, with a DUI. And caught with pot to boot. At least you didn't kill anyone. You've earned a trip to rehab, where you'll see lots of stoned people. And you can't make them go away.

And people wonder why OJ got off.

These two retards caused a car crash which ended in a driver being injured and his passenger suffering brain damage. What do they get? A couple of slaps on the wrist and a "Now don't you good boys do that again." The judge earns brain surgery (to remove his head from his ass) and the two boys earn a training program a la 1993's classic movie, The Program. Hope you dildos like playing chicken with fast moving cars.

Somebody's hungry for an asswhuppin'.

This moron waits until his host is out of the room, removes dinner from the hot pan, and dunks in the hosts kittens. I would say this guy was acting stupid, but it blatantly apparent that this is anything but an act. Idiot boy has earned his dumb ass a cheap, no frills neutering: one lit stick of dynamite and the order to count to ten. (Hey, it's more than obvious that this dipshit couldn't count to ten without the aid of both hands. >:)

That's about all the asshattery I can take for one week. So until next time remember, if you don't want the "honor" of being on this list, don't be an asshat.

CBS = Complete Bull Shit

Film at 11.

An exorcism pilot. Inspired by the life of that fucking Liar Bob Larson. Great CBS. Just go ahead and merge with Fox. You're obviously full of the exact same shit as News Corp.

I appreciate my books and my Game Boy Advance SP much more these days. They're not so full of steaming piles of bovine excrement.

--Weasel, now understanding the need for "TV Turn-Off Week".

Dying of Cute Here!

Check out the latest Diamond and Pearl video, which has footage of the starters. Man, this only makes me want the game even more!

I was seriously thinking I would take the Penguin. I even had a nickname picked out for the little guy: Break. The Turtle (or whatever it is) didn't impress me at all (since it's kinda on the fugly side) and I don't do Monkeys. Monkeys are only good for a lowbrow joke that usually involves flinging poop and that's it. Or so I thought.

Not this time.

Damn you, Nintendo. Damn you, Game Freak. You made that Monkey sound so adorable and so cute that I want the blasted thing as my starter! And to top it all off, it's a Fire type. (Sigh...) I'm screwed.

Anyone know a decent name for a Monkey?

--Weasel, "And no, I'm not calling it Optimus Minor!"

The Terror Plot

Let's be honest here; one plot has been foiled. Great. But how many others are in the making? We've "won" this round, but the "war" is far from over.

There were two different attacks on the WTC; one involved a truck bomb, the other involved airliners. If you honestly think that stopping one plot has made us any safer, you're mistaken. The terrorists are just going to keep trying until they succeed.

--Weasel, not flying anytime soon.

How to Spot a Terrorist

If he's sipping Pepsi before boarding an airline flight, he's a terrorist.

This public service announcement brought to you by:

--Weasel, keeping our skies safe.

Summertime Blues

This has not been a good summer.

For the third time in as many months, I'm fighting off another cold. Three weeks ago, I was trying to fight off dehydration and exhaustion (both heat related; I still end up with a few dizzy spells from it all). Prime and I had a pretty bad exchange over the phone last Friday which led to me having a 20 minute crying jag at work. But the absolute worst? On Sunday, July 23, my mother called me and told me one of my aunts had died of cancer. I spent quite a few weekends at her place with her younger daughter while I was a tweenager.

All I want to do right now is scream.

I'm fighting off flashbacks from this past December, the heat (which broke recently, thank Primus!) has gotten both Prime and myself so frazzled that we had been snapping at each other (we don't have central a/c), our finances hit rock bottom last month and my wonderful job has been giving me shit schedules for the past few weeks.... if they even remember to stick me on the schedule, that is.

I want to scream, cry, throw a fit like a two year old until I'm so emotionally emptied out that I can't even stand, let alone walk.

I can't do that, though.

If I start, I may not stop for a very long time.

I hope August is better.

--Weasel, who wants to skip straight to September and BotCon...

The Continuing Crisis in the Middle East

You know, this really isn't anything new. It's the exact same thing, just a different day.

--Weasel, unsure whether to laugh or cry seeing this crap yet again....

The Coolest Thing Ever...!

I'm having a nerd-gasm over here!


Nintendo, stop torturing me! You know Pokémon is my crack! I need a hit... badly! ;)

It Keeps Getting Better....

He's still trying to defend himself.

Not just once, but twice.

(Soap box time: It does suck that the poor guy's personal info got posted. Don't stoop to the level of StoptheACLU.org, people. We don't want to end up using the same bullying tactics as our critics, okay? Okay. Now I'll get off the soap box.)

But in some sick, twisted way, I can't help but find this quote funny:

It is often the case that one person ruins the fun of many isn't it?

Not really, dude. I'm still here laughing my ass off. But I am sick and twisted that way.

--Weasel, who can't help but find the whole fiasco really, really funny.

Maximum PWNAG3

Ya gotta feel sorry for this guy.

First, he's suckered by The Onion.* Warning, sensitive readers may be shocked by the image preceding the main article. Just a quick "head's up".

Then he tries to defend himself and fails.

He tries a second vain attempt to defend himself, which just makes him look stupid. (Yeah, blame 'duh libuhrul skoolz'. Seriously, this is like a bad "You Might Be a Redneck" joke. So, how's that fifth grade GED working out for ya, Bubba?)

I'll be the first to admit, I've been suckered a few times. I've had brain farts (some big ones too, I might add), but this just takes the damn cake. I don't think I can add much more to this other than a shitload of derisive laughter.

--Weasel, "Seriously, keep blogging for the pro-lifers. You're a huge credit to their cause."

Hell in a Handbasket

Okay, remember the little problem I had last time I updated?

It's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I have a schedule for next week, but not the week after. My name is not on the board at all. Again. (The only reason I'm working this week is because I jumped through a few dozen hoops to get a head cashier to write me out a schedule.) It's a different co-manager that's running the schedules, but apparently he's just as damned incompetent as the last one.

I'd slam my head into a wall, but hell, what's the damn point anymore?

Slag

Just a quick update. I'm going to be really busy this week, so ten to one, I won't be able to update for a bit. Before I leave on my little absence, I'll share with you how screwed up my job really is:

Remember KB? Well, she had her baby and is now on maternity leave. KB was the one who did all the scheduling. The job went to a co-manager.

He has no fucking idea what the fuck he's doing. So, he lets the computer do all the scheduling.

The schedules are now insanely fucked up. Mine included. I'll have to go into work on Monday in order to fix next week's schedule. (Did I mention I'm not on it... at all?)

And this is a goddamned co-manager. A classic case of how to succeed in business without a fucking brain.

--Weasel, "Sad, ain't it?"

She's Lost It

Then again, she never had it to begin with.

--Weasel, "You go, girl."

Save Screech's House

Seriously, buy a shirt so Screech won't end up homeless.

--Weasel, not a Saved By The Bell fan, but thinks this just plain sucks.

And They Call Themselves "Pro-Life"

Or so they claim.

You are reading that correctly; these pukes are threatening a 15-year-old girl. I'm not surprised. After all, these were some of the shit-eating retards who were more than happy to refer to Chelsea Clinton as a "dog" while her dad was in office. (She was about the same age as Ava.) And remember, these assholes vote:

*It's people like you who need to fucking die and get raped while your corpse rots in the sun.

*Fuck you, I would jack off on your parents if I could. If you don't like the team, get out of the park. That means take ur small dick and get the fuck off of my homeland you faggot chocolate gulper.

*You are a TRAITOR to your country and should be executed for treason. All you do is bitch about the US. If you hate it so much, why don't you GET THE FUCK OUT.

*Are you a muslem [sic] terrorist?

They are more than goddamned happy to threaten a child with death, but these sorry fuckwads scream blue murder if a woman even dares think about having an abortion. "U cant kill ur babby ur teh ebil libuhril if u dooo!!!!11111!!!"

Guess you'd rather wait 'til they left the womb before they are brutally tortured and die, huh? It's true. You fucks really don't care about children at all.

--Weasel, losing even more of her faith in humanity... and there ain't a shitload left

By the way, if you want to see more of Ava's work, just click here. I nearly peed my pants watching this one. It's hilarious. The music is abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

The Bitch is Back!

This bitch, to be exact.

It seems Ms Mallory, or as I've taken to calling her, Daisy Pukes, just won't keep her damn fool mouth shut. She's trying to take her bitchfest to the state. Different day, same stream of bullshit.

Her appeal will continue the debate that began when Mallory filed complaints against each of the six books, writing that they included -- quote -- "evil themes, witchcraft, demonic activity, murder, evil blood sacrifice, spells and teaching children all of this."

Yeah, not like that other book. You know the one. The Bible. There's nothing "evil" in there... (If ya believe that, I got a bridge I can sell ya, real cheap.)

Speaking of bitches, S came back from her vacation yesterday. She's been smiling and chatting and hugging(!) all the other associates, me excluded. Not that I'd want to hug her, mind you. (Suppresses the urge to barf.)

--Weasel, "Damn, I was enjoying all that peace and quiet."

Ick Factor 11, Mr. Sulu!

A couple of days ago I was in the breakroom at work and got into an interesting conversation with some of the associates who have worked in Dairy. It seems one of the older associates who works in that department, "A", has a tendency not to pull his weight, not take criticism well, takes too damn long doing his work, and won't do anything useful unless management is hovering around.

That wasn't the worst of it.

One of the associates sitting at the table, "N", mentioned that A had made a pass at her.

N is 20. A is at least 45 or 50.

If that doesn't make your skin crawl, this will: A is a serial sexual harasser. He's harassed at least 12 people, one of which has filed a lawsuit against our store. (He rubbed himself up against this poor woman.) Management knows about this. They have done absolutely nothing against A; he has yet to be disciplined in any way, shape, or form over his repulsive behavior. The store manager himself admits that A won't stop it. But nothing is done.

A also happens to be a conservative Christian who lives at home with his mom and dad. (Guess the real world was just too big, bright and scary for him to move out.) He's always mentioning the Bible and Jesus and all that crap.... wonder what Jesus would think of his behavior?

--Weasel, feeling the need to take a shower... eeew!

It's Revolution, Baby!

Pokémon Battle Revolution, that is. It's a new Pokémon game coming to the Wii system in 2007. Take a look thanks to YouTube.



Now, there's also going to be an RPG aspect to this game, and I'm hoping it's another foray into Orre (hey, that rhymed). If it is another Orre adventure, I pray to Primus that Nintendo gets its head out of its ass and gives us the option to play as a fricking female! Two Orre adventures and both of them were sausage fests! You weren't given the option to play as a girl! For the love of Primus, Nintendo, please fix that. Give us some more Legendary Shadows to Snag, while you're at it. I would shit kittens if given the chance to Snag and Purify a Mew!

For more details, you can always hit Serebii.net for info and pics.

--Weasel, already saving her pennies to buy a Wii and Battle Revolution

First, Do No Harm

We have another one.

Yep, another pharmacist who won't fill a prescription for birth control. Only this time, he was fired and tried to claim discrimination. The judge sided with the company. Intelligence ruled, for once.

But it may not rule for long.

Yet again, we will have pharmacists who will refuse to do their fucking job, and they will not get penalized for shirking their duties. And again, they'll claim it was on moral grounds.

I just have one question for these idiots: if you're not going to fill a prescription for birth control, why do you numbskulls not have a problem filling other prescriptions? Aren't you fucking around with "God's will" if you give a 97 year old man Viagra? How the hell do you know that "God" wants said 97 year old man to have a boner? What about chemo? If a cancer patient is meant to live, they won't need the drugs, now will they? They can just pray away the tumors!

If you have a problem with fulfilling your duties where you work, you are in the wrong career. Get a new one.

--Weasel, who doesn't have the luxury of refusing to serve asshole customers at her job.

6/6/06

Behold the Anti-Christ!

Well, she did release a book today. But that travesty cannot possibly compare to the slime that she spews from her second asshole (aka her mouth):

"These self-obsessed women seem genuinely unaware that 9-11 was an attack on our nation and acted like as if the terrorist attack only happened to them. They believe the entire country was required to marinate in their exquisite personal agony. Apparently, denouncing bush was part of the closure process."

But wait! There's more!

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s death so much."

And people find her attractive. Unbe-fucking-lieveable. It makes me want to projectile vomit.

Other than that little incident, Satan did not show his face anymore throughout the day. Damn, and I was gearing up for the end of the world.....

Speaking of which, S has been on vacation for the past week and a half. It has been a very quiet, very peaceful 10 days. Gods, I hope she never comes back. But there's more.

The Sow is leaving. Her husband got a job somewhere else and she has to leave. Under normal circumstances, I'd be bouncing off the walls with glee. Not this week.

One of our former associates was diagnosed earlier in the month with cancer. Stage IV. Terminal. We got an update three days ago. Doctors only gave him two weeks. Two weeks.

It all came back. In one big rush, it all came back. I've had flashbacks off and on for the past few days; all I can think about is Wavebreaker and that awful morning in December. It's been almost six months and I just want to lay in bed and cry. But I can't.

Heaven knows my company would say that such time would be unexcused.

--the extremely depressed Weasel