Taking Risks

"Risk"
And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to blossom.
-Anias Nin

I have never been the type to take risks. One of the biggest risks I have ever taken was going out with my ex-boyfriend.

I spent well over five years with him. It didn't end well.

After that, I pretty much swore off taking anymore risks. It wasn't worth it. I decided that I should stick with the safest path possible. Nothing bad would happen to me if I did.

Then came July 1999. I decided to take another risk. This was a huge one. I hopped on a plane and went to St Paul, Minnesota to attend BotCon and meet Prime. I wasn't sure how this would turn out; I had played it safe for two years. I wasn't sure if I was truly ready for another risky undertaking. I had no idea how this would turn out.

A week later, I told Prime I loved him.

It was a risk well worth taking--Prime and I have been together for over a decade. He's the light of my life and pain in my ass and life couldn't be better.

Now I'm taking another risk of sorts. I'm writing. I have no idea how this risk will pan out, whether or not it will be successful but by Primus I'm doing it.

Because not doing it would be too painful. And I'm sick of living a normal, safe life. I just want to take the plunge for once and see how things go.

Hopefully, everything will go well. But even if they don't I'll know that I tried.

100 Words

Yesterday had to be one of the stupidest days I have ever suffered through. I won't go into details about, for if I did this post would crack 10,000 words easily. Most of those words would be expletives. Suffice to say, it was a miserable day.

Things changed a bit when I got home.

Prime let me hop on Alexa for a bit. I spent a few minutes rifling through various and sundry sites that would put me in a slightly better mood, hit my YouTube account, picked some really good music and began to spot edit my project.

I spent about 45 minutes on it. I added a grand total of one hundred words. My current count is well over 17,000. One hundred words is a mere nothing.

It was only 45 minutes and a hundred words. Compare that to the eight hours I spent in hell. Again, what I did was a trifle.

But in that 45 minutes I actually felt like I accomplished something. It felt worthwhile.

I never have that feeling when I'm at my "work". All I feel while I'm on the clock at my job is a sense of frustration. I feel as if I'm wasting time, like I'm doing nothing.

I never feel that way when I write. When I write, I feel like I've actually done something. I enjoy that.

It's a good feeling. It's one that I could certainly get used to.

Friday Photoblog: "What a Cute Little Bastard!" Edition

BotCon exclusive Bug Bite. From BotCon 2007.
(Cutest little evil bastard evar!)

The Bullshit Report

I've been meaning to make a post about this, but I haven't had the time or energy until today.

My current locale is becoming exactly like the old hellhole. Even down to the backstabbing and lying.

We've had at least four people fired in the last couple of weeks. One was the lone overnight cashier who was supposed to be terminated at the beginning of her shift, but management waited until she was nearly done for the night to finally walk her out the store. (The truly idiotic thing? They waited for her to say something they didn't like so they could let her go for that. I just love working around spies and backstabbers, don't you?) One of the cashiers who works around the same hours I do has a second job. He's told people he has a second job. Three days ago he was marched into the office by management and chewed out for "trying to recruit people to his new job". No, that wasn't the case but management doesn't give a flying fuck. As for myself, I've somehow injured my left foot so walking is complete torture for me. I don't know exactly what I've done, but the area near my heel is swollen. I've been using a myriad of different muscle rubs and pain relievers to help take the edge off but to no avail. There have been days that I've left the building about to cry, the pain is so bad.

There's really nothing I can do about it. I have to hope to Primus it heals on its own.

I'm just a cog in the machine, easy to replace.

Like I said, my job is little more than a time waster. I want to write. I don't want to stand behind a goddamn cash register and stare at the unwashed masses all day. Every second I'm at that hellhole is one less second I can write. And it frustrates me to no end.

The one thing that keeps me from losing my mind? The fact that I can come home to Prime and hop on Alexa for even a few moments. When my fingers touch the keyboard, I become so relaxed and...dare I say it? I'm happy. Listening to some really good music helps, too.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more writing to do. I have to make the best of my days off, you know.

Downward Spiral

I'm frustrated, tired and fed the hell up.

Work has gotten worse. A helluva lot worse. It's getting to the point that I don't even want to walk into the goddamn building. (Technically in my case, it's more like limp into the building but I digress.) There's been a shitload more backstabbing and bullshit than I want to go into.

I'm fucking tired of it.

I don't want to be there anymore. I don't even want to walk into the building. I just want to stay home and write. That's all I want to do. I can't help it--if I'm not writing, I feel like I'm wasting my time. And that job is the biggest time waster of all.

I really don't know if I can make it to June at this rate. Primus knows, I'm burned out as it is.

--Weasel, "I'm gonna go scream now."

Friday Photoblog: "Cupid in Disguise" Edition

2010 Camaro, spotted outside a Holiday Inn Express in Raleigh, NC. September 20, 2009.
(How do you know if your marriage is blessed? Primus sends you an angel. Or Cupid. Or in this case, both.)

IT'S OVER 9000!

(Don't get the joke? Click the title.)

Been writing a lot lately. I've already passed 9,000 words and I'm closing in on 10,000. And I don't want to stop, not until I'm done. I've had the idea in my head since 2007; I want to tell the tale, however long it takes. (I'm thinking it's going to end up being a novel. And possibly part of a small series. Quite possibly a trilogy.)

Oh and Prime? You doing a bit of clean-up here and there? Cause I've noticed little changes. They're helping the flow a bit. Keep it up. Just don't let me catch you at it, 'kay? ;)

--Weasel, "May Primus bless me on this venture. I'm gonna need it."

WHO DAT!

Congrats to the Saints, for winning their first ever Super Bowl. I'm happy as hell for you guys!

--Weasel, "Yeah, I was pullin' for ya."

Exhaustion

If you've been wondering why I haven't been updating as frequently, it's really due to my job. As of late, all my days off have been split which has been hell on me and the blog alike. (I never feel rested when my days are split. It's as if I never leave the building.)

And you don't want to know just how bad the job has been lately. The sheer amount of stupid there has been driving me closer to the edge. The front end has gone downhill, in more ways than one. The shit that has happened could literally fill volumes.

But I'm tired of dealing with the shit. Very, very tired of dealing with the stupidity and bullshit that is my pathetic job.

What's helped me cope? Prime. And the fact that I'm writing. (Funny story--it seems Prime inadvertently read some of my writing. He liked it. Now I'm a bit torn: Should I take that as a compliment or should I smack him for reading my stuff without permission? Like I said, kinda torn on this one.) At the end of the day, those are a couple of the things that help me keep it together. Well, that and looking forward to BotCon.

I'm just so sick of it all.

--Weasel, "I swear to Primus, I just can't give a fuck anymore."

Friday Photoblog: "I Can't Deal With That Now!" Edition

Robert Stack's Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. From the Hollywood tour, BotCon 2009.
(And yes, I could deal with taking that picture right now! ...er, then. Whatever.)

Repercussions

The net seems to be working fine... for now. But just to make sure I won't miss one, I've done two months worth of Friday Photoblogs. I'm good until the first of April.

It's weird--I could live without the phone and if the TV had gone out, I think I would have been okay... but life without the net sucked. Hard.

--Weasel, "Guess I'm addicted..."

Internet Problems

Well, we've had some... ah, interesting problems that have developed over the last several days.

Don't ask me how (I'm thinking the January thaw had something to do with this shit) but we lost the phone for a few days, followed by the internet.

So yeah, no 'net on my day off. I was one unhappy little Weasel.

Everything seems to be working again, 'net wise. The phone is more or less working; it does cut in and out but at least the damned thing can ring and get a freaking dial tone! *headdesk*

This has not been an awesome week. Not in the least. All this bullshit was just a few more nails in the coffin.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go slam my head into the wall until I frigging pass out. See ya.

--Weasel, "The fireplace'll be perfect; it's made of stone. Not like it gets any other use..."

Friday Photoblog: "Your Ship has Come In" Edition

A whale watching boat, watching our whale watching boat. From BotCon 2007.
(I wonder if we looked the same to them...?)

Friday Photoblog: "You Ought to be in Pictures" Edition

Billboard advertising Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Spotted on our way to the Paramount party. From BotCon 2009.
(Maybe I should have asked the driver to pull over so I could steal me that sign...)

Birthday Bot

OR:
The Problems of the Far Flung Future of 2007 Can Be Solved by the Ancient Technology of the Year 2007

Transformers may not be as smart as we'd all like to think. There's even a G1 episode that illustrates this fact--Daniel wants to throw Ultra Magnus a surprise "creation day" party, yet no one knows exactly when he came on line. Hell, even Magnus himself didn't know!

Leave it to human ingenuity to solve such a thorny problem.

Several days ago, I was crashed out in bed, snuggling with my much loved Slumblebee. (How loved is this little stuffed robot? A lot. He's been to two BotCons and will probably hop aboard a plane with me to head to Orlando in June. I'm also thinking of taking him to Dairycon this year. Stop snickering... I know I'm pathetic.) I had to get up and go to work, but I really didn't want to move. As Prime tried to kick my lazy skidplate out of bed, he noticed something on my Slumblebee's tush tag. Apparently, the tag had a date code stamp on it which Prime deciphered for the hell of it.

It would seem my much loved little bot's "spark day" is January 16, 2007. So today, he turns three, if you will. (Think I should get him a cake?)

All this makes me wonder: Why in the hell didn't Cybertron have date code stampings on all its residents? The whole damn debacle of Daniel and Wheelie stealing a ship and getting kidnapped by Cyclonus could have been prevented if someone could have looked at Ultra Magnus's ass and said, "It says here October 23. I didn't know you were a Scorpio."

--Weasel, "It's food for thought."

Every Little Bit Helps

We all know what happened in Haiti. Here's a list of organizations that can help. If you can, donate. Every little bit helps.

You can also send donations to UNICEF and the American Red Cross.

Thank you.

Friday Photoblog: "Go Directly to Jail" Edition

An original Monopoly "board", on display at Hasbro. From BC 2007.
(It's not really a board, per se. It's actually a tablecloth.)

Friday Photoblog: "A Bowl of Cherries" Edition

Freshly picked cherries from our cherry tree. From summer 2009.

(I believe these are sour and not bing... at least they tasted pretty sour to me!)

Your (Semi) Annual Random Thoughts

Just for shits and giggles, it's that time again!

* Whoever is scheduling the breaks at my store must be stupid. I wish I were joking. We've had more and more instances of people being sent late because there is no one to cover for them. We're supposed to have four head cashiers to help take care of this crap, but I think that all they are doing is getting in each other's way. Or socializing. Your choice.

* People are still bringing their cell phones and portable gaming systems on the sales floor. Looks like everyone is ignoring that wonderful little rule. I figured as much.

* Since Ca$hma$ is now officially over, we're trying to clear out our holiday crap at my store. Normally, I don't do the 'buy it cause it's cheap' thing, but I found myself suckered into spending this year. I grabbed a few discounted stickers (Shut it, Prime!) and bought as much of the ROTF gift stuff as possible. I now have Bumblebee gift tags coming out of my ears. I couldn't be happier.

* This past Saturday, BBC America aired the second part of Doctor Who: The End of Time. I watched. I bawled like a baby. 'Nuff said. [/lie] Mister Tennant, we didn't want you to go, either. You will always be 'my' Doctor.

* I have gathered all my convention clothes together and later today, the packing will begin. Woo hoo.

* I've had a particular piece of music stuck in my head for the last few days. It's been driving me a bit crazy, even though the music is rather soothing.

* We're getting a Leader class Bumblebee. Fear it. FEAR IT!

That's all until next time. Tune in next time for even more boring crap!

This has been--

--Weasel, getting set to pack her bags.

Friday Photoblog: A New Year Breaks Edition

A humpback whale, spotted during the whalewatching tour at BC 2007.
(I kinda felt like I was in Star Trek IV--"Admiral, there be whales here!")