Weasel's News Round-Up: Volume 2

Late Sunday Edition

All the news that's fit to bitch about!

All right, let's get this road on the show, shall we?

In our first story, Rep. John Murtha believes the massacre in an Iraqi town could hurt the US worse than Abu Ghraib. He's probably right. All I can say is, we have another El Mozote on our hands.

In other news Wal-Mart is trying to trademark the smiley face. I have two words for Wal-Mart: Fuck. You.

File this one under "Mission Accomplished, my ass": Iraqi athletes have been shot for wearing shorts. Yep, great job installing democracy there, Chimpo. High five!

Big Brother is watching you. But, it's for the children! Won't you please think of the children?! Yeah, right. Kiss my ass, Gonzales.

So much for moving to Canada. I guess they're no longer the bastion of tolerance that I had once believed, at least not when it comes to gays. Pity. They've got no one to blame but themselves. I hear Denmark is nice this time of year...

And people believe this rampaging idiot. Yeah, he leg pressed 2,000 lbs. Sure he did. I'll believe him when he testicle-presses 2,500 lbs. Maybe that will shut his hole. And give him a great singing voice.

If you thought your PC sucked balls, then check this shit. Well, I don't see my old Compaq on the list, so I am forced to assume it is incomplete. (Though they are dead on about AOhelL.)

According to Michael Bay, the now infamous script that has most Transformer fans in an uproar is over four months old. Good. Anything that lessens the appearance of a mute Bumblebee is great in my book. (Now if only Bay would come out and say that yes, Bumblebee will talk in the movie....!)

Speaking of my favorite mini-bot, the Transformers Collectors Club newsletter has revealed what Bumblebee will look like in the up-coming Transformers Classics line. All I can say is this: I can't fucking wait until November. I will be buying twelve of him! :)

And that'll wrap things up until next time. Until then, this is your anchor-ferret, the Weasel, signing off.

Okay, Now I'm Pissed...!

Fucking Senate.

At least Feingold has balls. If he campaigns for President, I will vote for him in a second.

--Weasel, "Let's all try for a ban against stupidity. Think that'll pass Congress?"

Random Thoughts Ver 2

This sucks.

I'll be heading to St. Paul, Minnesota tomorrow and what the hell happens? I wake up with a fricking sore throat today. A three day weekend and I'm coming down with something! I would scream, but it would make my throat feel worse. Which brings me to a sore (ha, ha) point: if you, your child or a your loved one is sick, don't freaking shop. The cashiers don't want your damned germs! And for God's sake, don't let your sick child drool on merchandise and then hand the sticky mess to us. It's frigging disgusting. I mean, would you want to write out your check with a saliva-coated pen? Didn't think so.

But enough about that. It's time for:

Weasel's Random Thoughts Ver 2

*According to a recent poll conducted by my local paper, 35% of Northeastern Wisconsin residents have a problem with the NSA looking at their phone records. A whopping 65% do not. To the 65% who don't give a crap about privacy: would it piss you off it was an advertising agency looking at your phone records? What the hell is wrong with you?

*I'm currently reading Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code. It's an interesting read, nothing earth-shattering (most of the historical facts about the Church I already knew) but it's fun. I'm half-tempted to buy a ticket to see the movie just to piss off the Religious Right.

*A local teacher who worked in a Catholic school was recently fired. Why? She conceived a child using in-vitro fertilization, which the Church opposes. Reactions have been mixed; some people support the fired teacher, others siding with the Church. One Church supporter was glad that they stuck with their morals. I'm glad, too. Maybe this will make people realize just how much of a festering pile of excrement this entire situation has become. (I guess the Catholic Church really isn't pro-life after all.)

*The Senate voted to make English our national language. Great idea.... if it applies to our natural-born citizens. God knows, W sure as hell isn't speaking our "national language".

*X-Men 3 comes out on the 26th of this month. I don't know who's more stoked, me or Prime.

*The shit hit the fan recently regarding the up-coming Transformers live action movie. According the Allspark, a guy by the name of Nelsons just let some "insider info" slip. The resulting "revelations" caused on uproar among the fans. Case in point:

Bumblebee is mute because his vocal chords have been damaged in battle.

When I heard that, I near crapped my pants in rage. But there's still more; the fans questioned, Michael Bay answered. I'm hoping for the best.

And that's all for today. Tune in next time when I bitch about more random crap.

--Weasel, already getting sick and tired of the taste of fricking Halls cough drops....

Score One for Intelligence

It seems schoolchildren in Georgia can keep reading Harry Potter. The school board will not remove the books. Thank Primus there are some intelligent people out there.

Unfortunately, little Miss Idiot can't keep her fool trap shut:

"I want to protect children from evil, not fill their minds with it" Mallory said at the hearing. "The 'Harry Potter' books teach children and adults that witchcraft is OK for children."

Please shut the fuck up, lady. You are committing a public display of stupidity. Too bad you cannot be jailed for it.

However, not everyone is so sane.

Yes, you are reading that correctly: censorship of children's books is on the rise. The biggest offender? So-called "occult" or "satanic" themes.

Concerns about perceived occult, satanic and anti-Christian themes drove many incidences of censorship, he said. "That issue is more prominent now than it was 12 years ago," he said. "We seem to be following a lot of American trends."

I don't hear Ms Mallory bemoaning about the anti-Pagan bias that many Wiccans, Pagans and Goddess worshippers have to live with on a daily basis. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's only them good, God fearing christian folk who have to worry about being "oppressed".

Yeah, right. Who's really being oppressed here?

--Weasel, thinking Ms. Mallory needs to cry herself a river, build a damn bridge and get the fuck over it.

Monitor My Calls...

...please.

It seems the government hasn't only been listening in on the private sector. They've been listening to the media. The scary thing?

Under Bush Administration guidelines, it is not considered illegal for the government to keep track of numbers dialed by phone customers.

Guess ol' Bushie-poo's gonna know how many times you called your sweet, grey-haired granny. Let's just hope she doesn't live overseas...

--Weasel, "Whatever happened to 'This phone call could be monitored for customer service...'?"

Awwwww!! How Cuuuuuuuuuuute!!

Took a Poke-quiz. Here's the result:



I didn't know I was that cute!

--Weasel, who can't help but wonder which Autobot she would be.....

Hypocrisy? Or Stupidity?

You decide.

I'm often floored by the complete and utter idiocy of some members of our species; I know they don't mean to act so stupidly (they can't help it, really) but I still can't help but find their behavior... well, insane. Case in point:

A couple of days ago, Prime and I decided to hit the new Best Buy near my place of employment. As we pull into the nearest open parking space, my blood pressure immediately goes up about fifty points. We were parked behind a truck that was obviously owned by a neo-con; the bumper stickers proved it. On the left side of this brain trust's vehicle was a bumper sticker sniping, "It's easy to be 'pro-life' when you're not the one being killed," (the "ll"s in killed were footprints) while on the right side, s/he trumpeted, "Real heroes wear camo. Support our troops."

Um, what?

Why on earth would you dare whimper about the "poor, poor fetuses" when there are living, breathing people dying in an unjust war being waged in a foreign country? Why fight so hard to save something that, at its earliest stage, lacks a fucking spine and brain, while you're hellbent on sending someone's son or daughter to get shot at by a pissed off Sunni or Shiite? What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you even dare to claim to be "pro-life"?

It's brutally apparent that you are not. Or, you're pro-life only at leisure.

--Weasel, who wants a bumper sticker that says, "Pro-war? You can't be pro-life."

And the Nation Rapidly Becomes Stupider...

...and there seems to be no end in sight.

Case in point:
Retarded Southern female wants to ban Harry Potter books in a Georgia elementary school district.

Worse still, the in-bred hick bitch hasn't even read the fucking books.

What could be worse than that? The dumb bitch defends her ignorance! For example:

"I think it would be hypocritical for me to read all the books, honestly. I don't agree with what's in them. I don't have to read an entire pornographic magazine to know it's obscene," Mallory said.

Yeah, and I don't have to talk to you to know that you're a load your mother should have swallowed. Too bad she didn't.

Apparently the stupid bitch thinks that kids'll get into the occult by reading these books. Okay, first off kids are not getting into Satanism because of dear old Harry and second kids cannot cast any "spells" from the books! We've been through this bullshit before. But it never seems to end: there are people who believe this vapid bitch.

“I’m a true example of how Harry Potter books can open your life to witchcraft,” said Jordan Susch.

No, you are not. You are a kid who is screwed-up in the head. You need mental help. Therapy could probably help you. But you won't get any. You're just going to sit on your ass and blame a piece of fiction for all your life's problems instead of getting up off said ass and taking responsibility for yourself.

“We wanted to know if spells, potions and curses worked. By the seventh grade, I was so depressed, I set a date to kill myself,” Susch said.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Let's have some fun with that, shall we? Sub in 'math text book" instead of "Harry Potter" and you'd get this:
"We wanted to know if algorithms, theorems and equations worked. By the seventh grade, I was so depressed, I set a date to kill myself," Susch said.

Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?

But wait, there's more!

Let's try using a science text. We'd get something like this:
"We wanted to know if neutrinos, quarks and isotopes worked. By the seventh grade, I was so depressed, I set a date to kill myself," Susch said.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

But the situation isn't totally hopeless, there are a few intelligent people out there, thank Primus.

We also give kids a little credit in knowing the difference between fact and fiction. We find it interesting that while she's wild about Harry, she suggests replacing the Potter books with the "Left Behind" series. Her appeal form doesn't indicate whether she's read those publications. But for those not familiar with the Tim LaHaye books, imagine this, taken from the "Left Behind" Web site: "Passengers aboard a Boeing 747 en route to Europe disappear. Instantly. Nothing remains except their rumpled piles of clothes. Vehicles, suddenly unmanned, careen out of control. People are terror-stricken as loved ones vanish before their eyes. For those left behind, the apocalypse has just begun." Frightening stuff. Give us a good-ole Bat Boggey Curse any day.

--Weasel, "Can I get an 'Amen, brother'?!"

Breaking the Girl

(My apologies to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.)

Yes, it's been a while since I've posted. It's not for lack of interest, I just haven't had the time or the energy. I'm still dealing with the move (good Gods, we have a bunch of crap!) and my work schedule has made it extremely difficult for me to try and update.

Put it this way: I spend about 10 hours at work a day (at least an hour of which before I'm even scheduled to start), only to go home and start all over again. I literally have no time to relax or unwind. Worse still, my days off are split; I don't have two days off in a row. Needless to say, I am so bone tired that I do not have the fortitude to even roll out of bed in the morning. And I have no idea how much longer this will be going on. My blog is suffering, I'm suffering; to put it nicely, life fucking sucks for me right now.

But, enough whining from me. Here's my chuckle for the week (file it under "P" for pwned!): Ann Coulter is officially an "it" by her own non-admission. Normally, I wouldn't even care about something like this.... but this is Ann Coulter. The "woman" with an Adam's Apple. I don't know about you, but this is just too damned funny. Once you get over the initial shock and stop vomiting, it's hilarious.

--Weasel, "That 'woman' ain't right..."

Random Thoughts Ver 1

I'll make this brief, mostly because I have to: yes, I am still alive and kicking. I have been extremely busy thanks to the move. Prime and I are still going through boxes, setting things up, what have you. It's been tedious and very time-consuming. Factor in the difficulties at work, like the consistently shitty scheduling I've been getting (which has put a huge cramp in my efforts get transferred out of that hellhole) and I barely have time to do much of anything. But enough bitching. For your reading pleasure, I present a few

Random Thoughts

*Cats hate moving. Cats also hate rides in the car. My cat, Sammy, made both of these points very clear on his trip to the new house. It took a few hours to regain my hearing after we got him here.

*Head honcho S is a bigger bitch than I had imagined. She proceeded to yell at one of my fellow cashiers for not bagging for a customer. This cashier was on self-check; we are not allowed to touch a customer's order unless they ask us. Way to go, S, you shrewish bitch.

*The hellhole has a sudden lack of cashiers nowadays. The reason? The newbies got pissed and quit.

*File this under "Open Mouth, Insert Hoof": we had a lost kid at the front lanes about a week ago. He looked to be about three or four years old and was about five seconds away from screaming his head off, until he spotted the candy rack. He grabbed a lollipop and started eating it. Normally, this would irritate me, but it helped to keep the kid from panicking until one of his older brothers found him. The Sow saw what was going on. Her only response? "He didn't pay for that piece of candy." (In the kid's defense, his parents paid for it later.) One of the cashiers who overheard the Sow's snarky little comment said she wanted to "slap the hell" out of old Piggy.

*The Piglets have dwindled in numbers. Because of the Sow's wonderful "personality", a lot of her defenders want nothing to do with her. I can hardly blame them.

*Prime and I have now have broadband. What in Primus' name did we do without it?

*According to rumors, Weird Al is working on a new album. I can hardly wait. :)

*Dairycon, our little Wisconsin Transformers get together, is next Saturday. Hope it'll tide me over until BotCon.

*On April 22nd, Cartoon Network will remove Transformers:Cybertron from its Toonami line-up. Just another reason to shit-can CN.

*Pokemon Journey Across America will hit near my area twice: May 20th in St. Paul, Minnesota and Chicago, Illinois the 27th. I hope to make it there.

*According to Headline News, the Dragon Skin body armor that soldiers have been buying to protect themselves is "inferior". The stuff the government is handing out is the "better quality" armor. So much for the liberal media.

Well, that's all the time I have today. If I'm lucky, I'll post again in another week or so.

--Weasel, "Moving is just so awesome."

An Update

Yes, I haven't posted in a while. I just have not had the time. Blame the move.

It has been quite interesting over the past couple of weeks. It seems S is a bigger bitch than I had originally thought.

One of my friends, "A", told me her son "Z" had been fired from our store. The reason? Too many absences. When Z asked to see said absences, S just talked around the request. He asked three times. She ignored the request three times. He finally got pissed enough to yell, "Kiss my ass!" before leaving. (I would have loved to have seen that.)

S is also trying to get rid of all the minors we currently have working at our store. She doesn't want them around; they are too much of a pain in the ass in her opinion. And worse, if a minor fills out an application to work at our store, she'll ignore it unless they call and ask about it. When head cashier "K" mentioned she had interviewed a minor a few days ago, S absolutely exploded yelling, "NO MORE MINORS!!"

I have to wonder, isn't that a form of discrimination? Wonder if the labor board, or the media, for that matter, would be interested.

--Weasel, "It make for a good story."

Insert Random Swearing Here

Wallace and motherfucking Grommit get the Oscar for best animated picture. As usual, the "Academy" gives the award to a pile of shit and not the deserving film. Typical.

--Weasel, "Miyazaki was robbed, dammit."

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

It's ours!

It has been a pretty hectic couple of weeks, which is why I haven't posted in, uh, forever. But I have good news. And it has nothing to do with car insurance.

Prime and I got the house.

February 28th was quite a day. My writing hand got one helluva workout; we had to sign 2,894,367 different forms, and initial and date 1200 more. But once we were done with that, we officially became homeowners.

That was the good news. Now on to the work front, aka the really bad news.

Although the Sow has left me alone for the past couple of weeks (Thank Primus!!), head honcho cashier S has gotten more and more obnoxious. Case in point: I went to one of the February cashier meetings just before we closed on the house. (Normally, I say fuck the meetings, but since S threatened me with termination, I decided to play it safe this one time.) It was an interesting meeting, to say the very least.

Of course, it was the usual bitchfest and I've heard it all before: there have been too many left-behinds and S is tired of it. She said that she had tried "everything" to help us solve the problem, so she's going to start coaching us again. Worse still, we are now required to snitch on each other; if someone has a bag that's been left on the front end and they try to "hide" it, we're supposed to tell a head cashier. (Fuck that noise....) No more "gossiping" on the front end and for the love of the Gods watch what the hell you say in the breakroom. (Seems a few souls got "offended" by some things that were said by other associates. Awww, poor widdle thing. I'll go call the Waaah-bulance.) Don't do this or you'll get your ass in trouble, don't steal the company's time, (they're more than happy to steal mine, the sorry fucks) be careful of internet coupon fraud, etc. Then came the "Got any questions?" portion of the meeting. Here's where things really got good.

One of the newly hired cashiers wanted to know what we should say to people if they asked how our company treated us as employees. S said that the best thing to say was that we "chose" to work at our company and we were "proud to be employed" by our company. Then S went on a rant as to how we're biggest and "best" company out there and that's why we're a target for criticism. She then said that we would be making more headlines because the "pharmaceutical companies were going to force us to carry the morning-after pill".

Uh-huh. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

First off, it's the government that's telling our "wonderful" company to carry emergency contraception, if I recall correctly. But that's not the biggest thing that irked me. Our wonderful company "chose" to have a pharmacy. They made that "choice" themselves. If they didn't want to deal with the ramifications of that choice, then they should remove the damned pharmacy. "Choice" is a two-way street. They should fucking remember that. Morons.

After wasting 45 minutes of my life, I was allowed to return to work and finish my shift. Two days later, I run into S in the breakroom. She gets snippy with me, wondering if I "remembered" any of the four cashier meetings that were held in February.

(insert eye-roll here)

(Jeez, ya dumb bitch, you looked right at me! You watched me sign the damn notebook!) I simply smiled and said that I went to the second to last meeting. S then smiled and congratulated me.

I'm going to get my transfer in motion this week. And I'll be looking for a new job ASAP.

--Weasel, "I only stayed in that hellhole to get the house..... now that entire place can go fornicate itself with an iron stick."

The Snow (and Shit) Storm of the Century

We actually got a damn snowstorm here in Wisconsin. It was so bad today that people were being excused from work. I bit and lit out early. I really don't want to even be in that damned building anymore. With good reason.

Don't know if you guys remember, but I got a "D" or Decision-Making day back in May. Now, this isn't a huge deal when you get right down to it; a lot of associates have gotten D days before. Hells, one of the cart pushers has had three of them. He admitted as much. And laughed about it. Now a D day is supposed to drop off your record within the span of six months. After that six month period, you are supposed to go back to the original disciplinary chain: a verbal warning, a written warning, a D day and ultimately, termination.

Not so in my case, apparently.

Early last week the head of head cashiers, "S", threatened me. With termination. For a bullshit reason. (She said I was reading at the front lanes. Bullshit. Rearranging magazines and tabloids is not I repeat, not reading them.)

Now remember, she really cannot do this. It's been over six months. The D day has dropped off my record; everything has completely reset. If I were to get in trouble legitimately, I'd get a verbal warning, not termination.

It's pretty damned apparent that S just wants to get the hell rid of me. She's looking for some sort of b.s. reason to try and shove me out the door.

I say, "Good luck."

After 12 days, I am either going to transfer the fuck out of that hellhole (and into a newer, but closer, hellhole) or pound the pavement and get a new job. And I can't wait to see the look on S's face when I finally tell her that I quit or I'm transferring. I'm pretty sure she'll launch into one of those "We really don't want to lose you" speeches; I'll have to fight the urge to laugh in her face.

Pray that I succeed in repressing said urge.

--Weasel, "Mmmmm, new house smell! Better than new car smell!"

For Fuck's Sake...!

He's at it again.

Fred Phelps. Protesting the death of Coretta Scott King.

So, I ask you: is it wrong to wish for a tornado to tear through Phelps' backyard, wiping out him and his entire flock?

--Weasel, "Cause if that's wrong, then I don't wanna be right."

Time Off

It's a beautiful thing.

I'm on day two of a three day stretch; this feels absolutely wonderful. Just me, Prime, the cat and an assload of packing to do. Life just couldn't be better. :)

On top of all this great news, we finally got some fucking snow! Woohoo! (Yes, I love snow. So sue me.) It gets even better: the Sow has left me alone for the past few days. Yes, you read that right- she's been leaving me alone. The Sow's been so "nice" to me I almost hate the idea of transferring.... NOT! :D

In other news, we're going to have to go box hunting soon. We'll need quite a few more to pack up all of our stuff for the Big Move. Hee, a house. An honest to Primus house of our own! I'm so happy I could pee myself!

--the grinning and giddy Weasel

Dumbass Warnings Pt 1

As a cashier, I see a lot of idiotic (or "Anyone with functioning common sense would know not to do this") warnings on packages. Today's case in point- a warning on a box of cereal with a free bonus iron-on patch:

"Do not iron shirt while wearing."

--Weasel, "No, I am not making this up."

Weasel's Housewarming Gift List

Just for the hell of it, here's a list of things I'd like to get for the new house:

• A stepstool (cause I'm short!)
• Bookshelves, bookshelves, bookshelves
• Lamps
• Storage containers
• A new shower caddy (the old one is rusting out)
• A message center with mail holder and a key caddy
• A calendar message board
• A spoon rest (so the stove top can stay clean)
• A kitchen tool caddy
• A laundry caddy
• A decent hamper
• A laundry basket (the old one is falling apart)
• and finally three large garbage cans (two for recycling, one for trash).

This is in no way complete. I'll probably think up a few more lists in the meantime.

--one excited Weasel

Busy, Busy

Had the day off; Prime did as well. Been doing some cleaning today, while Prime's been packing away some of our collection. He's wondering if we'll be ready in time. I'm pretty damn sure we'll be fine.

We've already let the landlord know that we're leaving at the end of the month; Prime sent a written notice and I called him not 15 minutes ago. I hope he's not too pissed about us leaving. He didn't sound upset over the phone, but we'll be leaving another vacant apartment that he'll have to find a way to fill. I almost feel as if I'm letting the poor guy down, in some strange way.

I'm a little surprised to find that I'm a bit sad at the prospect of leaving this place. We've been here for about five years. No, that isn't terribly long (I spent 18 years total on that little piece of property in NC), but it's long enough to make the place feel kinda like home. Yet I'm excited as well. We'll be moving into a place that will be truly ours. We'll have an entire room for our collection. I'll have a room for my own personal use. (Finally, a room for magick and worship! Hee!) We'll have a nice living room.... and a nice kitchen/dining area! We'll be near the waterfront! (Within walking or biking distance, but not so close as to end up in our living room.) We'll be close to a library! And a pool! It's so exciting that I can hardly wait!

In other news, Brad Pitt really is a bit of a shallow SOB, Exxon is getting richer (who knew?), and finally Alito won the cloture vote.

--Weasel, "So much packing to do, so little time.... I guess...."

Twists and Turns

It's starting to really hit me: I'm buying a freaking house! Prime and I saw someone about a home loan on Friday; I swear to Gods I have never signed and dated so many forms in my life. No one has tried to contact us since then, which is a good thing. It means things are going smoothly. If someone did try to contact us, it would be because there's some sort of problem. So as of this moment, so far, so good. On the work front however, things are getting pretty interesting.

It seems I'm not the only one who has a problem with the Sow. One of the other cashiers, "T", is pregnant (not sure when she's due). T mentioned to one of the other cashiers that she hoped she wouldn't gain a lot of weight during her pregnancy. T said if she got as big as the Sow, she would "kill herself". What T didn't know is she was talking to one of the Sow's many friends, or Piglets as I call them. The Piglet made a full report to the Sow and it seems T got into a shitload of trouble over her comments, as in she got some sort of management coaching. But that's not the half of it.

Apparently, a group of cashiers was sitting at one of the tables in the breakroom. Someone piped up that they thought the Sow was a bitch. A couple of people agreed. The entire group (we're talking anywhere from five to seven people) was hauled into Ad office and given a stern warning. It appears a Piglet over-heard the conversation and tattled to our favorite female porcine. Yep, she's got little piggy ears all over the store.

This is why I no longer sit in the breakroom proper; I opt to eat my lunch in the old smoking lounge. Very few people sit there, so there's little to no chance of getting caught up in someone else's bullshit. Trust me, I know first hand just how bad the bullshit can be in the employee breakroom. However, I may have a way out.

One of our former associates who transferred to another store came by on Saturday. "S" is now working in fabrics and crafts. The store she transferred to happens to be in the same city as the new house. According to S, they are hurting for cashiers. She said I could do a lateral transfer and keep my current pay, but also get the hours that I want.

It's very tempting.

There is only one thing that is holding me back: we haven't closed on the house yet. The very second that ink is on the paper, though.....

--Weasel, trying to get out from under the Sow's little hooves.