And Now For Something Completely Different...

As you all know, I'm a die hard Brewers fan. I eat, sleep, and dream Brewers. I love my team, love my guys and support them through thick and thin. Even if they go down in a shutout, I don't care. I'm still there, whether at Miller Park or watching via Fox Sports Wisconsin; I'm there for them and screaming my head off. I don't abandon my team. They are my guys and I support them 110%, no matter what.

It goes without saying that I really miss baseball season. Not being able to ask Prime, "How'd my guys do?" is a bit depressing.

So when I found this little gem surfing the 'net a couple of days ago, it gave me a much needed chuckle. I even let Prime read it. Whether or not he found it funny, he ain't sayin' but he did read it, at least.

Now, if you've never seen John Axford, you are missing a moustache of truly epic proportions. I mean, this 'stache is Rollie Fingers epic. It truly is a sight to behold. "Majestic" would be a good word for it. When I see it, I am in awe of it. I have often shouted, "EPIC 'STACHE MAN!" as Axford has headed out to the mound. Truly, it is quite awesome and awe-inspiring.

A couple of days ago, while I was bored at work, I started to scribble out a few pseudo-facts of my own. I hope they give you a chuckle or two, like they did for me. I present to you--

Random Facts about John Axford's Moustache:

* John Axford's moustache has a black belt in karate.
* John Axford's moustache graduated with a 5.0 GPA from Harvard.
* John Axford's moustache is bulletproof.
* John Axford's moustache can speak 18 different languages fluently.
* John Axford's moustache is worshipped as a god in southeastern Asia.
* John Axford's moustache knows who killed JFK, but the Warren Commission wasn't willing to admit that a tuft of facial hair knew more about the situation than they did.
* John Axford's moustache knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
* John Axford's moustache rides a Harley.
* John Axford's moustache has the keys to Fort Knox.
* John Axford's moustache can strike out Chuck Norris... with one pitch.
* John Axford's moustache knows the correct lyrics to "Louie, Louie".
* John Axford's moustache has been nailed for speeding in Broken Bow OK, Decatur IL and Rosendale WI--and talked its way out of all three impending tickets.
* John Axford's moustache is the only viable shelter during a natural disaster.
* John Axford's moustache takes its rum and Coke on the rocks... without the Coke.
* John Axford's moustache has fought in six World Wars and won them all.
* John Axford's moustache knows how to party, even better than California.
* John Axford's moustache is one of only two things that can kill Wolverine.
* John Axford's moustache once called R. Lee Ermey a wuss and got away with it.
* John Axford's moustache has a Camaro for every day of the week.
* John Axford's moustache can sucker-punch Godzilla.
* John Axford's moustache won a Pulitzer Prize in Literature.
* John Axford's moustache knows the exact location of the Fountain of Youth.
* John Axford's moustache has a replica of the Stargate... that actually works.
* John Axford's moustache is the one thing that scares Chuck Norris.
* John Axford's moustache has its own chauffeur.
* John Axford's moustache does not "pity the fool".
* John Axford's moustache can play twelve different instruments, all self-taught.
* John Axford's moustache can ace Through the Fire and the Flames on Guitar Hero's Expert level... with one hand.
* John Axford's moustache knows the secret of the Secret Stadium Sauce at Miller Park but refuses to tell.
* John Axford's moustache gave the Colonel his secret recipe of 12 herbs and spices.
* John Axford's moustache won the first World Series... twice.
* Beneath Chuck Norris's beard might be another fist, but beneath John Axford's moustache is the wicked fastball that you never saw coming.

Expect this list to grow; it's a long way 'til Brewers On Deck, even longer 'til Spring Training and don't even mention the start of next season. Hide the peanuts and Cracker Jack until then, 'kay?

--Weasel, counting down the days until March 31.

**NON-RANDOM PLUG!**
If you have a Twitter account, do me a favor and follow John Axford. If he gets more followers, maybe we'll see more of the Crew on there and you know how happy that would make me. Thank you.